While walking along the footpath that runs by the edge of the village green recently, I noticed some freshly painted signs on the pavement that I assume to have been commissioned by the parish council. They depict a dog. The outline seems to be that of a scotch or cairnes terrier. About a foot below the dogs hind quarters is a blob of paint with wavy lines emanating from it. Obviously, the blob of paint represents dog stools and the wavy lines I assume represent a disagreeable smell! Underneath the dog, in bold yellow paint, the words "Clean it up-or face a fine"are written I've tried turps and paint stripper and even scrubbed the whole sign with a wire brush dipped in white spirit. The paint won't budge and so am I to face a fine? The parish council know damn well the paint would be difficult to remove. This is just a stealth tax if you ask me! The council should have better things do with their time!!! Yours Ethen Cowdell-jones. (Retired civil servant ).
Would the owner of a blue Volvo Electrocruise Hybrid, parked last Friday morning, 22nd March at Waitrose
Car Park, please contact Harry Shear, hshear1943@Gmail.com, regarding a nasty scrape to its offside wheel
arch. Mr Shear would like to recompense and apologise. The Waitrose Valued Customer Wine-tasting went
on a bit and it weren't half good.
David and Doris Thripe wish to announce the departure of their daughter, Thelanda, on her gap year to
Reykjavik where she will work part-time with Chief Fisheries Scientist Daniel Birgisson as a campaigner for
world peace and fish stock management. She can be reached by her usual email address and will advise of
her new mobile phone number in due course.
It's time to consult the stars. Willow and me have been bewitched by the moon and need Pisces to help
restore balance. Join us at the Astral Plane Club, Little Cruddock, Tuesdays. Garb is worn. Barry Celeste.
Hermione - where were you? I waited hours at the Boddingtons. They said you had accepted the invitation.
You probably went up to London to see that banker chappie. I don't get it. What has he got that I haven't?
Yours, still hoping. Bunty.
Andrew Lancome thanks the Bitterns of Thurble Close, St Cleve for their valued custom and trade. Logs
supplied and fields topped by appointment. Day and night. If the Bitterns are happy, you will be too. Difficult
buggers, the Bitterns.
Carol Feeley is seeking male models for life-drawing classes at the Community centre. No experience
necessary but the ability to not fidget or doze is useful. Ages preferably between 14 and 69. Contact Carol at
the usual address, Art and Soul Studios, Thighbury Light Industrial Estate, Linwell.
Davide, I think we should organise another waffle party. Don't you agree, leather-man? Bring-your-own
toppings and then party-on into the night. Yours, Justin. Give me another chance. Vrooom, vroooom......
Can anyone find my toy Ferguson tractor? It was nicked from my buggy when my parents were shopping at
Hams and Cheeses in Clutterbury at the weekend. Please call me if you know where it is. Red one with a
fore-end loader and little man driving. About 5 inches long. From memory. Arthur Lancome. Age 2. Tell my
grandpa, Andrew. He won't hit you if you come clean. Honest.
A microlight has been discovered in Lower Bottom Field, Glebe Acres. No body was there. Just the machine
with a blade missing from the propellor. Anyone lost it? These things don't just fall from the sky, do they?
Call PC Derrick Dixon at Flockingham Police HQ. After hours is fine.
Slurpy - don't go so early next time. Love U 2 Bitz. Your own, Fumbles. Mmmmmmhhhh.....
Pungent and deeply unpleasant pong coming from the Old Granary at Linwell. It has permeated across the
village and I am not the only resident to complain. My chest hurts, my sinuses are acting up and I have
repeated headaches and nausea. Smells like dead bodies in there. If we wanted to to live amongst bloody
zombies, we would just watch The Walking Dead, wouldn't we? Mr Lancome - please DO something. Paul
and Sandra Bittern.
Anna Phoebe is looking for a baby-sitter to do Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. 19.00 to 22.00. No
particular skills necessary but must have a soft spot for children. Run of the larder fridge and the booze
cabinet. £6.00 per hour plus a bit more if you do funny voices.
Aldo Taglia-Farro trying to find the young lady who helped him change a tire on the A419 last Tuesday.
The email address you gave didn't work. I must have written it down wrong. I found your little purse thing
where it must have fallen when you were helping with the wheel nuts. It contained three rubbers. Wanna
make it two? Please answer to these pages. Ciao, babe.