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St Cleve welcomes new resident, Gerald Bostock
(50), who has recently purchased the £950,000 Old Rectory, Mulberry
Lane, with 6 acres and a duck pond on the edge of the village. Lifelong
Labour activist Mr Bostock, who lost his seat in the last election, has
now retired from politics and plans to use his new-found country retreat
to write memoirs and a screenplay based on the sordid tale of a chief
Prime Minister's aide, caught in a off-duty moment with a colourful contortionist
of Latvian descent. StCleve.com learned of these plans from conversation
overheard by local hack and BBC journo, Calvin Hester at the Cinnamon
Club, a Westminster Indian restaurant popular with both politicians and
the press. Insider, Baron Stewart of Infield, commented that, "You
shouldn't believe everything you hear at the Cinnamon. Or down any boozer,
in fact."  Strange
coincidence it is but, as a child, Mr Bostock entered a poetry competition
and was subsequently disqualified from his win following an appearance
on BBC TV where he uttered a profanity. It was also revealed that his
parents had lied about his age. Instead of the eight-year-old his parents
claimed him to be, he was actually nine at the time of
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writing
the poem and ten when he won the competition. Gerald's poetry was utilised
for song lyrics by none-other than Ian Anderson in the Jethro Tull album
of 1972! Small world, as they say.
We wish to welcome Mr Bostock to our midst and hope that he and his family
will participate in the life of the community. Overtures have already
been made by Rob Widdington and Carol Freeman of the Local Conservative
Association to host a Summer Barbecue Party at the Old Rectory, a venue
oft-used in the past, courtesy of the previous owner, The Reverend Godfrey
Pitcher who has relocated to the South-east, to be closer to Rome, according
to some waggish pundits. |
 
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No Fray Bentos pie-in-the-can for Dorothy Slibbeth,
beloved matriarch of Little Cruddock, who has donated yet another bounty
of baked pie products to the Spring-Bake, our annual jamboree of foodie
delight. Having been challenged last year by local butcher,
Master of Foxhounds and venison farmer, Morton Wood to "cook the
biggest blighter anyone has seen." Dottie then determined to do
just that. The four foot game pie required six helpers to remove from
the specially-constructed oven and transport to Cruddock Hall, where
it can be viewed prior to the Spring-Bake
evening on Saturday April 21st in the gardens of
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the Hall. Local farm tractor enthusiast Andrew J Lancome hauled the monster
three miles in a trailer with his 1954 "little grey Fergie"
tractor, Matilda. "That were a big-un. Near pulled arms from off
me," quoted the sweet-smelling Drew-boy as he later huffed and puffed
his way to the Dirty Duck in nearby Linwell Village. Mrs Slibbeth's Pie
contains the breasts of 72 wood pigeons, 36 pheasants, 29 partridges and
four mallards, reputedly shot at the Old Rectory pond while feeding on
the Koi Carp food pellets. Six venison carcases were jointed and joined
the gamey mix. A wild boar had been promised but failed to materialise.
Several other game ingredients are also in the pie but Mrs Slibbeth is
keeping "mum" regarding their identity. "Can't have that
Oliver Jamey bloke getting all the secrets and cashing in, can we?"
said the feisty Mrs S. |
 
Childrens' entertainer and adult stand-up comedian, Mark Billingham (50)
is to make a return visit to St Cleve in the Autumn after a successful
visit to the Community Centre last year. After competing without success
for the Guinness Book Of Records in 2011 in the Most Consecutive Jokes
Told On A Bouncy Castle category, Mad Marky, as he is known in show-biz
circles, announced that he is to take a turn of direction this year. It
is his long-held ambition to try his hand at writing a crime thriller.
We wish him luck in this over-crowded genre. |

Again, we sadly report the claims of missing pets
in St Cleve and vicinity. A Springer Spaniel, belonging to butcher Morton
Wood (76), and the Malamute pet of Linwell Primary Headmaster Jason Arbutt
(35), are missing, believed abducted by "pet thieves" during
the weekend of the 24th March. Police are searching nearby premises but
hold out little hope of finding the beloved pups.  |

Sadly, due both to loss of congregation and the
deteriorating state of the roof, St Olive's will be closed for business
throughout 2102. It is hoped that there will be renewed interest and support
of this
fine example of medieval architecture in 2013 and beyond. A major initiative
has begun with the support of local community and the nearby white goods
manufacturer Freezit-Kwik Ltd to redevelop the site both as a place of
worship and a showroom for household goods. |

Local sculptor James Duncan (29) and his younger
sister Gael (27) were both arrested in London late last Thursday for protesting
violently in support of the Small Cat Conservation Alliance which highlights
the plight of small wild cats throughout the world, in danger of extinction
through fur trading and "vermin" destruction. James and Gael
call St Cleve home, having been resident since their childhood. Conservationist
Jim Sanderson PhD called for their immediate release following a scuffle
outside Downing Street where several protesters gathered to display placards
and chant in support of "the little guys." Allegedly, buttocks
were bared and loud miaows were used to taunt police. Mr Duncan is, in
his spare time, lead singer in a Queen
tribute band in the South-West while Gael was a champion teenage gymnast,
now mother of six children and is starting up a knitting collective in
the Cotswolds. |
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