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Whatever Happened to Gerald Bostock?
St Cleve welcomes new resident, Gerald Bostock (50), who has recently purchased the £950,000 Old Rectory, Mulberry Lane, with 6 acres and a duck pond on the edge of the village. Lifelong Labour activist Mr Bostock, who lost his seat in the last election, has now retired from politics and plans to use his new-found country retreat to write memoirs and a screenplay based on the sordid tale of a chief Prime Minister's aide, caught in a off-duty moment with a colourful contortionist of Latvian descent. StCleve.com learned of these plans from conversation overheard by local hack and BBC journo, Calvin Hester at the Cinnamon Club, a Westminster Indian restaurant popular with both politicians and the press. Insider, Baron Stewart of Infield, commented that, "You shouldn't believe everything you hear at the Cinnamon. Or down any boozer, in fact." Gerald Bostock in 1972
Strange coincidence it is but, as a child, Mr Bostock entered a poetry competition and was subsequently disqualified from his win following an appearance on BBC TV where he uttered a profanity. It was also revealed that his parents had lied about his age. Instead of the eight-year-old his parents claimed him to be, he was actually nine at the time of
Jethro Tull's Ian Anderson TAAB2 Thick as a Brick 2
writing the poem and ten when he won the competition. Gerald's poetry was utilised for song lyrics by none-other than Ian Anderson in the Jethro Tull album of 1972! Small world, as they say.

We wish to welcome Mr Bostock to our midst and hope that he and his family will participate in the life of the community. Overtures have already been made by Rob Widdington and Carol Freeman of the Local Conservative Association to host a Summer Barbecue Party at the Old Rectory, a venue oft-used in the past, courtesy of the previous owner, The Reverend Godfrey Pitcher who has relocated to the South-east, to be closer to Rome, according to some waggish pundits.
Local News

Mrs. Slibbeth's Pie
No Fray Bentos pie-in-the-can for Dorothy Slibbeth, beloved matriarch of Little Cruddock, who has donated yet another bounty of baked pie products to the Spring-Bake, our annual jamboree of foodie delight. Having been challenged last year by local butcher, Master of Foxhounds and venison farmer, Morton Wood to "cook the biggest blighter anyone has seen." Dottie then determined to do just that. The four foot game pie required six helpers to remove from the specially-constructed oven and transport to Cruddock Hall, where it can be viewed prior to the Spring-Bake
evening on Saturday April 21st in the gardens of


the Hall. Local farm tractor enthusiast Andrew J Lancome hauled the monster three miles in a trailer with his 1954 "little grey Fergie" tractor, Matilda. "That were a big-un. Near pulled arms from off me," quoted the sweet-smelling Drew-boy as he later huffed and puffed his way to the Dirty Duck in nearby Linwell Village. Mrs Slibbeth's Pie contains the breasts of 72 wood pigeons, 36 pheasants, 29 partridges and four mallards, reputedly shot at the Old Rectory pond while feeding on the Koi Carp food pellets. Six venison carcases were jointed and joined the gamey mix. A wild boar had been promised but failed to materialise. Several other game ingredients are also in the pie but Mrs Slibbeth is keeping "mum" regarding their identity. "Can't have that Oliver Jamey bloke getting all the secrets and cashing in, can we?" said the feisty Mrs S.
Clown to Get SeriousMark Billingham

Childrens' entertainer and adult stand-up comedian, Mark Billingham (50) is to make a return visit to St Cleve in the Autumn after a successful visit to the Community Centre last year. After competing without success for the Guinness Book Of Records in 2011 in the Most Consecutive Jokes Told On A Bouncy Castle category, Mad Marky, as he is known in show-biz circles, announced that he is to take a turn of direction this year. It is his long-held ambition to try his hand at writing a crime thriller. We wish him luck in this over-crowded genre.
Dogs Missing Second Week in a Row
Again, we sadly report the claims of missing pets in St Cleve and vicinity. A Springer Spaniel, belonging to butcher Morton Wood (76), and the Malamute pet of Linwell Primary Headmaster Jason Arbutt (35), are missing, believed abducted by "pet thieves" during the weekend of the 24th March. Police are searching nearby premises but hold out little hope of finding the beloved pups.
St. Olive's Church, Little Cruddock to close for repairs
Sadly, due both to loss of congregation and the deteriorating state of the roof, St Olive's will be closed for business throughout 2102. It is hoped that there will be renewed interest and support of St. Olive'sthis fine example of medieval architecture in 2013 and beyond. A major initiative has begun with the support of local community and the nearby white goods manufacturer Freezit-Kwik Ltd to redevelop the site both as a place of worship and a showroom for household goods.
James Duncan Arrested in Protest Scuffle
Local sculptor James Duncan (29) and his younger sister Gael (27) were both arrested in London late last Thursday for protesting violently in support of the Small Cat Conservation Alliance which highlights the plight of small wild cats throughout the world, in danger of extinction through fur trading and "vermin" destruction. James and Gael call St Cleve home, having been resident since their childhood. Conservationist Jim Sanderson PhD called for their immediate release following a scuffle outside Downing Street where several protesters gathered to display placards and chant in support of "the little guys." Allegedly, buttocks were bared and loud miaows were used to taunt police. Mr Duncan is, in his spare time, lead singer in a Queen tribute band in the South-West while Gael was a champion teenage gymnast, now mother of six children and is starting up a knitting collective in the Cotswolds.

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